When You Feel Alone in Your Marriage

I’ve never lived alone. When my husband and I married in 1982, he had just graduated from college and I was still living with my parents. After a few days of honeymooning we loaded all of our belongings and moved to Texas, sight unseen.

I came from a family of 6, with two siblings still living at home, and had hardly been out of the state, or spent more than a week away from my family.

One of the benefits that comes from that type of uprooting is that you start your marriage with the prospect of growing closer as you depend on each other even more.

Love

Here’s the danger:  it can be very easy for us depend on our husbands to meet our needs, and in doing so, place all kinds of unrealistic expectations on him.

In thinking about how our relationship with our spouses can help or hinder our relationship with God, I have come to a few conclusions that may seem obvious:

1. HE IS NOT GOD. Your husband should be dependable, responsible and godly; however, he cannot and will not be perfect. Only God can fill that role. He perfectly loves us and will help us to grow in our love for each other if we will look to HIM for wisdom and guidance.

2. HE IS NOT OMNISCIENT. He cannot possibly know what you’re thinking. He can try to empathize or relate to your situation, but his perspective is often just not going to be the same. The closer you get to each other, the more you will learn to read each other and understand the differences in how you see things. God sees from an eternal perspective. He knows your past, your present and your future. Trust Him to meet you where you are and believe the HE KNOWS.

3. HE IS NOT OMNIPRESENT. There is absolutely no way that he can always be there for you, physically or emotionally. Sometimes, he’s just not there to share in the experience, and cannot be expected to fully understand. Other times, he wants to be there for you, but his brain just doesn’t connect in the same way as your female brain… so even though he cares, he just may not really get it… BUT GOD DOES–HE GETS IT. He will go with you through the valleys and the peaks. He will comfort you and give you joy and peace in your deepest need.

4. HE IS NOT OMNIPOTENT. He’s human. There will be some things he.just.can’t.do. Just because your Dad knows how to work on cars or fix a toilet, doesn’t mean your husband can. We all have preconceived ideas of what a husband should and shouldn’t do, but the reality is we need to lay those aside and allow our prince charming to be a regular guy and not superman. GOD’S GOT THIS. God gifted your husband uniquely–and you are a beneficiary of this man he has placed in your life. Pray for him daily. Ask God to provide for your needs, and often He will use your husband as a vessel of blessing, but ultimately your trust has to be in a POWERFUL GOD.

1-poster 3

This week my husband and I celebrated 33 years of marriage. We didn’t do anything extravagant, but we did reflect on the blessing of a life-long partnership that is committed to loving God and loving each other. I am so grateful to be married to this godly man. Neither of us are perfect, but we ARE perfect for each other, and as we look forward to our remaining years–however long God gives us–I am reminded again to put the Lord first.  We are never truly alone, and are blessed to have each other.

33 Year Anniversary 2015

Here’s to the next 33, my love!

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”  1 Corinthians 13:4-7

~~Vickie

  9 comments for “When You Feel Alone in Your Marriage

  1. April 19, 2015 at 2:34 pm

    Such an inspiring post!♡

    Like

  2. February 14, 2015 at 8:21 am

    @thelongroadtraveled CONGRATULATIONS! God Bless you as you begin this journey as husband and wife! ❤

    Like

  3. January 31, 2015 at 7:35 pm

    Vickie, I really enjoyed reading through your blog, and thank you for coming to mine and sending a like. I would love for you to follow it, the more the merrier.
    XX Jo

    Like

  4. Marcella Kramer
    January 14, 2015 at 9:08 am

    Good words of wisdom, especially the part that my husband is not my father.

    “Just because your Dad knows how to work on cars or fix a toilet, doesn’t mean your husband can. We all have preconceived ideas of what a husband should and shouldn’t do, but the reality is we need to lay those aside and allow our prince charming to be a regular guy and not superman. GOD’S GOT THIS. God gifted your husband uniquely–and you are a beneficiary of this man he has placed in your life.”

    Amen!

    Like

  5. January 10, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    I agree! I don’t feel alone, because of these things. I love my husband and overall, I know I have to communicate my feelings whether or not he wants to hear it. Even though at that moment, he may not understand, he will at a future time. Thanks for sharing with Turn it Up Tuesday.

    Like

  6. January 10, 2015 at 5:38 am

    Thank you for your great testimony! Love your page too.

    One thing you may want to consider is the text of the Scripture you quoted. I realize that most people think that “love” is the correct word used within the context of the verse and most would believe its usage is a good fit for writing that stirs one’s emotions.

    Actually, the word “charity” far surpasses the word “love.” A person can “love” and not be charitable. People love their cars, clothes, career, etc., but may never show one iota of “charity” toward another person. Even those who profess great “love” for their spouse or family may never grasp the need to extend or express such “love” via “charity;” a charitable act. For example, “Brother, I love you in the Lord, but we have a tee time on Saturday and it would be impossible for me to help you move, but you know I love you.”

    The key to the context is found in the verse that often gets left out. That being, “And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.” The verse speaks of tangible things; goods to feed the poor and my body to be burned. “Charity” requires sacrifice, but that is not always so with “love.”

    And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. (1 Corinthians 13:3-7)

    Like

  7. Zeldean Munton
    January 3, 2015 at 7:15 pm

    God bless you both!!! Your mother-in-law

    Like

  8. thelongroadtraveled
    January 3, 2015 at 5:33 pm

    This gave me a lot to think about as I embark on my own marriage (currently a fiancée and wife to be- God bless you! Xx

    Like

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