Playing Defense When We Should Be On the Offense

This is the topic no one seems to want to talk about–Girls or Guys.  Moms or Dads. Parents or teenagers.

Girls get defensive and guys run.

I know I’m tackling this at my own risk, but this is a topic that, the more I study Scripture and research the topic, the more passionate I’ve become.

We just finished Vacation Bible School week at our church and my role was a little different this year–I lead two different break out sessions for sixth grade girls–one on Modeling Modesty and the other on Spending Time With God.

One of the things I love about God’s Word is that it’s timeless. God continues to do a work in me, and during my time of preparation it became apparent that this was an issue that needs to be addressed at home–with girls even younger than these sixth graders, and with women even older than me!  I have two daughters and I’m thankful that we share the same conviction:


I was reminded again that this is an ongoing battle that is worth fighting, and one that rages in our society.

This is not a judgement or a prejudice, but a treatise for women of all ages to wake up and get in the game.  My prayer is that you will listen my plea before going on the defense…

I used three primary resources in my study:

1. God’s Word:  Holman Christian Standard Illustrated Study Bible, the Holy Bible app. by You Version,  and


2. “Secret Keeper–The Delicate Power of Modesty”, by Dannah Gresh

3. survey*

I have to say, by way of confession, that part of the problem, women, is our own naivety.  We just think, like many in our culture, that what we wear, or how we act, or what we think only affects us.  Not true.  I’m not sure if it is a result of the “it’s all about me” society we live in or the moral decay in our land, but most likely both.  This is not a new problem, but the awareness of it is practically non-existent, unfortunately, even in our churches.

On to the game plan.  Here are just give a few of the insights I gained in preparation:

  •  It’s not just about what we wear.  “You cannot limit the power of your modesty to just what you wear.  It’s also controlled or forfeited by where you are willing to go with guys, when you go there, and how you act.”  [Secret Keeper, pg. 75]


  •  It’s not just a cultural enigma.  Since the beginning of time there have been standards of modesty.  (Read Isaiah 3:16-17!) Our cultures may differ in how we interpret what is modest and what isn’t, but God’s Word is our ultimate authority.

Ephesians 5:1-4(HCSB)
” Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children. And walk in love, as the Messiah also loved us and gave Himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God. But sexual immorality and any impurity or greed should not even be heard of among you, as is proper for saints. Coarse and foolish talking or crude joking are not suitable, but rather giving thanks.”


  •  We must take personal responsibility.  It is our fault if we make careless choices about what we wear, where we go and how we act or talk.  It’s not our fault if others make bad choices or fall into temptation.

” Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for God’s glory.  Give no offense to the Jews or the Greeks or the church of God,  just as I also try to please all people in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, so that they may be saved.”  
1 Corinthians 10:31-33 (HCSB)

  •   We can establish specific standards.  If you don’t have a game plan, you will most certainly lose this battle.  Decide what your boundaries should be and stick to it.  Ask your husband or father.  Do your own research.  Have a heart-to-heart with your Heavenly Father.  Trust Him–then obey Him!

Finally, here are some simple, practical guidelines (not exclusive!) that I follow, and am constantly asking myself:

1-Modesty test_edited-2

If you are ready to make a commitment to modesty, you will have to stop making excuses.  I have to admit that sometimes this will cost a little more so try to stay with basic, classic pieces that you can mix/match and update with accessories.

I am not promoting this company, but I love that they have a commitment to modesty:

REYSWIMWEAR.COM:  Modest swimsuits?  YES!  This is always one of the hardest purchases for a modest woman.  She has little girl sizes and plus sizes too.  Her styles are adorable!

POLYVORE.COM:  I love getting ideas from this website, and others that can help you put your wardrobe together.   You can check out some of my PINTEREST choices here:

*The Modesty Survey is an exciting, anonymous discussion between Christian guys and girls who care about modesty. Hundreds of Christian girls contributed to the 148-question survey and over 1,600 Christian guys submitted 150,000+ answers, including 25,000 text responses, over a 20-day period in January 2007. For more information, click here.

It has been endorsed by Shaunti Feldhahn (best-selling author of For Women Only), Nancy Leigh DeMoss (author, Revive Our Hearts radio host), Shannon Ethridge (best-selling author of Every Woman’s Battle series). is the home of Alex and Brett Harris and online headquarters for the Rebelution, defined as “a teenage rebellion against low expectations.” For more information about the Rebelution and its mission, click here.


4 replies »

  1. thanks Vickie! I love the website for swimsuits! The boy-short versions are so hard to find! Those are my favorite!


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