Even though we are in a digital age of research where it is much easier for me to trace my family’s genealogy, I have spent very little time looking into my heritage. There is one thing I am pretty sure of, though. I have no claim to fame, and have neither heard nor seen any evidence that there might be royalty in my lineage–but nevertheless, I am quite sure that I qualify as the Queen of “What I Wish I Would Have Said!” (Or not said!)

Please tell me that I am not alone in my throne room of regret when I say that more occasions than I would like to admit, I have, in hindsight, either regretted what I said or wished that I had been able to say what I really wanted to say!

One of the reasons I love the Bible so much is the wisdom that it gives–even regarding the use of our tongue. God really does care what we say, and because I truly do want to honor Him, I must choose to listen to His counsel. Sometimes my human nature takes over and I act or react in a way that doesn’t honor Him. The truth if you’re willing to hear it, is this:

Being “human” doesn’t excuse disobedience.

When those verbal faux pas come along, it’s easy to make excuses, but truth be told, we alone are responsible for the words that come out of our mouth. My words are a reflection of what I believe, and so it’s imperative that I be diligent in asking God for wisdom with my words.

“Don’t you realize that whatever goes into the mouth passes into the stomach and is eliminated?  But what comes out of the mouth comes from the heart, and this defiles a person. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, sexual immoralities, thefts, false testimonies, slander. ” ~~Jesus [Matthew 15:17-19]

Very often in our relationships our words and our attitude reflects so much more of who we are than we care to admit. Part of my struggle is that, by nature I am an introvert. I am often introspective, and I find myself saying things in my head but they don’t quite make it out of my mouth in the same way I articulated it in my brain. What it means for me is that while I can calmly process and think through what I might want to say, when it starts to come out of my mouth I can get so anxious and frustrated that I can’t seem to verbalize clearly what has been so beautifully orchestrated in my mind.

The other issue is, of course, that there is always a danger of speaking too soon or saying too much before I have properly listened or processed what to say. Can you see the struggle? How incredibly difficult it can be to engage in this kingdom of conversation! While I jest at my own cheesy analogies, I find that I am more frustrated than humored when I speak or choose not to speak, and then have regret.

What to do about this crazy dichotomy?

“To speak or not to speak, that is the question.”

If it is true, and I believe that it is, that the Bible is God’s Word to us and for us, I also believe that it is absolute truth, and that it is absolutely “…profitable for teaching… ” us. Doesn’t it make sense then, that it should be our guide book for our everyday life, including what comes out of our mouth?

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness,  so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” [2 Timothy 3:16-17]

I have to emphasize here, though, that even though we are the one choosing our words, there is one caveat to the whole concept of “controlling our tongue”. If you have surrendered your life to Christ, the Bible says that His Spirit lives in you. It is one of the blessings we have when we place our faith in Him. He moves in, and when we trust Him–not just for salvation and eternal life, but for the day-to-day opportunities that He gives us, then God’s Spirit in us will help us to know what to say, when to say it, and how to say it–if we learn to rely on Him.

“When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth. For he will not speak on his own, but he will speak whatever he hears. He will also declare to you what is to come. He will glorify me, because he will take from what is mine and declare it to you.” [John 16:13-14]

 How does that happen? First, by knowing the source, and second by going to His Word. Here are some of the questions I might consider when trying to determine when, what and how to speak:

1. Is it kind?  (Am I being respectful and treating others how I would want to be treated?)
   "And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ."  [Ephesians 4:32]

2. Is it true?  (Am I focusing on the facts and what God's Word says about it? Even if true, am I speaking out of love?)
   "But speaking the truth in love, let us grow in every way into him who is the head—Christ."  [Ephesians 4:15]

3. Am I being compassionate?  (Am I thinking of others or am I just being selfish or dogmatic?)  
     "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves." [Philippians 2:3]

4. Will it encourage the hearer? (Is it beneficial?  Will it tear down or build up?)
   "And we exhort you, brothers and sisters: warn those who are idle, comfort the discouraged, help the weak, be patient with everyone. See to it that no one repays evil for evil to anyone, but always pursue what is good for one another and for all. Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." [1 Thessalonians 5:14-18]

5. Am I willing to listen? (Am I truly concerned enough to hear the other person or am I wanting to "be heard", trying to justify myself or my opinions?)
   "The one who gives an answer before he listens—this is foolishness and disgrace for him."  [Proverbs 18:13]

6. Will I regret it later? (Have I spent time in prayer to assure my motives are pure? My confidence should come from knowing God is in control and that when walk--and talk--in a way that honors Him, He will cover the consequences.)
   "Seek the Lord while He may be found; call to Him while He is near. Let the wicked one abandon his way and the sinful one his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, so He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will freely forgive. 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not my ways.' This is the Lord’s declaration. 'For as heaven is higher than earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.'..." [Read all of Isaiah 55]

I may not have a royal lineage in this life, but the Bible tells me that when I trust Christ as Savior and make Him Lord of my life, the King of Kings becomes my Heavenly Father and I become His child! He calls me His own and adopts me into His eternal family. If you have never made the choice to surrender your life to Him, please look at the link to my page entitled, FAITH. Listen to His voice. Respond to His call. He is a personal God who listens and is faithful to His Word.