There. I said it.
Although it’s true that I wasn’t the kind of girl who grew up dreaming of being the wife of a pastor, I know that it’s even more true that God knew my committment to Him as a young girl was sincere. I gave my life to Him and I meant it with all my heart.
While it’s also true that there was no way for a 12-year-old to fully understand what that would entail, there was definitely an understanding that what ever God wanted me to do would not only be best for me, but also would bring the most joy.
And it does.
I am not naive. I know that in any church, whether it is a hundred or a thousand, there are that same number of expectations on the pastor’s wife, with no possibility of fulfilling them. That alone would drive me insane–if I had not learned early in our marriage, the two simple keys that secure my role:
I have never fit the traditional “pastor’s wife” mold, and early in our ministry my loving husband made it very clear that these are the only two things he wants from me and for me: to love God and to love him.
As simple as this sounds, the reality is, it can be, but it is usually more complicated than that. A lot of our time is spent trying to please others and even ourselves. Getting those two in their right perspective makes all the difference in the world.
If I will allow it, a clear decision to make these a priority will make a daily difference my actions and reactions, my attitude and my gratitude. They determine exactly what it is that I, myself, do in ministry. My calling is first to please God, and then my husband, not my pastor.
So how do I separate the two? Easy. He’s my husband first, then my pastor. There are very few occupations in the world that can compare to having your husband as your pastor.
And I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
Of course there are ups and downs in a marriage, and that includes your pastor–but at the end of the day, it all comes back to our committment to God and to each other. There is an incredible degree of contentment with that kind of security. Choosing to love God means that I am in a healthy, growing relationship with my Creator-Redeemer, and it is best demonstrated in a healthy, growing relationship with the person I am closest to: my husband. When we live out what we are learning from God’s word, it is most evident in our closest relationships. The real us. The one we come home to at the end of the day. And so, we commit to giving our all to Jesus–and our marriage reaps the benefits.
This is pastor appreciation month, and, so today, before the opportunity slips away, I want to say:
I love hearing him preach. I love watching him lead. I love seeing him love. And I love serving beside him.
Being a pastor’s wife is not just a title, it is a ministry, and my number one ministry will always be first and foremost to my husband. I understand the gravity of my attitude toward him, and want to step out on a limb here and say that your attitude toward your husband carries just as much weight. Are you your husband’s number one fan? Do your children see how much you love him? At the end of the day, does he know that you’d rather be with him than anyone else in the entire world?
Call me old-fashioned, but while it is true that what God had planned for me was not what I would have chosen, it is also true that HE KNEW. He knew where I fit in this great big world, and because of that, I can trust that He created me with everything I need to be the wife of my pastor.
Yes, it’s absolutely true: I am happily and gratefully married to my pastor.