I can easily remember the life-changing phone call that would cause me to look at life very differently.

I was young, naive, and had just turned 23 when I heard the voice on the other end of the phone say, “Are you ready to have this baby?!” Without a doubt I was unprepared, unqualified, and unsure of myself–but SO ready! I had prayed for this moment since I was a little girl, and though I was absolutely terrified, I was ready to be a mom.

I will spare you the details of my difficult delivery, but let me just say, “the pain that comes with natural childbirth is highly underrated!” …and, as it has been stated by so many mothers before me, “but it was so worth it!” There is physical pain to be sure, but the real pain comes from within. This is more than IV’s and stitches–your heart aches with so much love that you think it might explode. And then, from the moment they are born, you begin the age-old process of letting go. From the first time you leave them in a nursery, or with family, or with a sitter, that heart you thought would explode, actually starts to splinter one fragment at a time.

That “breaking away” is not like any other kind of pain you’ve experienced before, because it is like a part of you is being slowly ripped away. They start school, they go to camp, they start driving, they go on a date… then it’s college or a full-time job, marriage, and quite possibly, they move far away where you only see them for short periods of time. Even the time you do spend with them changes, as your attention gets divided between children and grandchildren. Your mother’s heart literally aches for them–aches for the days when they were little. as you try to get use to the idea that you just won’t get to see them as often as you’d like.

How do you even prepare for this? I’m not sure that you can, but I do remember wishing that someone had told me how hard these changes would be. I don’t remember ever hearing anyone really talk about it.

Except maybe my mama. She would say to me often,

“Just because it’s hard (or it hurts), doesn’t mean it’s bad–it’s just hard!”

She had experienced decades of “letting go”, but at the time I didn’t really understand it. Every stage of parenting can be difficult, but until you get there, the only place you fully understand is the one you are in the middle of. I don’t think I would have believed that parenting adult children would be just as hard–until I experienced it for myself. I’m sure we thought that once they went off on their own, this parenting thing would get easier. Only it didn’t. It’s harder because now those earnest prayers became desperate prayers because often our hands are tied, and all we can do is pray and wait. And because we have experienced so much of what we know life will inevitably bring—-we watch as they go through hard things that we never had to face.

In His book, Doing Life With Your Adult Children, Jim Burns describes it this way:

“Although you and your child are traveling different paths, you’re on a parallel journey of reinventing your relationship. It’s better when you navigate it together, but neither of you have passed this way before, and even if you have made the transition with one child, the next child likely will approach the transition to adulthood differently.”

So what do we do? We pray. We surrender them over and over again to the loving God who created them, who gave them to us for that short amount of time and trust Him enough to believe that He loves them more than we do. (He does, you know!)

Take heart, mama. Like generations before you, this natural process of separation might not get easier on your heart, but there will be rewards along the way. Seeing our adult children step into the role that God created for them can bring a new sense of joy that will heal some of those splinters. Spending time with them and watching as they become parents themselves brings its own special reward–the blessing of grandchildren!

"The Lord is great and is highly praised;
his greatness is unsearchable.
One generation will declare your works to the next
and will proclaim your mighty acts.
 I will speak of your splendor and glorious majesty
and your wondrous works.
They will proclaim the power of your awe-inspiring acts,
and I will declare your greatness.
They will give a testimony of your great goodness
and will joyfully sing of your righteousness.  
The Lord is gracious and compassionate,
slow to anger and great in faithful love."  Psalm 145:3-8

I want to encourage you today by reminding you that you’re not alone. You are a treasured daughter by your Heavenly Father, and just as you delight in your children and love to spend time with them, He desires the same from you. Take your worries, your fears, your struggles and your heartaches and lay them at His feet. He sees. He knows. And he wants to fill you with His peace and a joy that comes when you choose to simply trust Him. He is faithful–and as verse 8 says, His love is faithful.

“As difficult as it is to raise children and then maintain that bond through the complexity of relating to them as adults, what matters most isn’t the material legacy you leave behind but the legacy of love and faith you hand down in the next generation.” ~~Jim Burns, Doing Life With Your Adult Children